Understanding Ourselves Through Attachment: Reflections on the Book Attached

When I was in grad school, I was first introduced to the revolutionary work of John Bowlby and his theory of attachment. His research explored how the bond between a child and caregiver forms, and how disruptions in that bond can impact a person well into adulthood. Bowlby’s work fundamentally shifted the way psychologists understand human development and the deep need we all have for connection and emotional security.

Since then, the concept of attachment has continued to evolve, and I recently revisited this theory through the lens of adult relationships by reading Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Amir Levine, M.D., and Rachel S.F. Heller, M.A. This book offers both fascinating research and practical insight into how our early attachment patterns continue to shape our romantic lives.

Before reading Attached, I had a broad, academic understanding of attachment theory. But this book brought the concepts to life in a new and practical way, helping me see just how relevant attachment is to the work I do every day with clients. Levine and Heller break down the three primary attachment styles—secure, anxious, and avoidant—and guide readers in identifying their own style, recognizing their partner’s style, and understanding the dynamic that unfolds when different styles interact.

What makes this book especially helpful is how it blends science with real-life application. The authors provide concrete strategies for managing attachment-related challenges, improving communication, and navigating relationship conflicts with greater self-awareness and compassion.

In my counseling practice, I’ve found that most clients come to therapy with distress rooted in relationship struggles—whether romantic, familial, or social. Integrating attachment theory into our work has helped clients gain powerful insights into their behavior, needs, and patterns. I've seen firsthand how this understanding leads to increased self-awareness, healthier boundaries, and more fulfilling relationships.

If you're curious about why you react the way you do in relationships—or if you've ever felt like you're "too much" or "not enough"—this book is a compassionate and informative guide to understanding yourself and your connections more deeply.